that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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