I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
