she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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