So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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