sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
