whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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