she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
