So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You ruined the universe
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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