i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
