you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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