yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
