I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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