Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
