just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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