Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
