Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
