Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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