i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
