Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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