You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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