The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
