If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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