Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
