this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
