all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
