You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
