I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
