I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
