I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
