is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
