hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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