You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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