My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
