it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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