Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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