I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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