I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
