If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you told grandpa to call you daddy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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