he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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