So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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