is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
