Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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