Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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