I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
