Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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