Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
