I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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