I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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