I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
