i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
two words: eviction party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
