every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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