His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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