He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
