Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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