There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
