the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
