I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
