There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
