I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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