Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
