don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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