Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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