She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
True college students do jello shots in the library
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize