Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
