speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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