Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
