i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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