We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize