She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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