ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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