Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
