I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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