absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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