somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
