You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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