Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
